Rick’s guide to being a couch potato...

Many men aspire to it, but few are now willing to put in the real effort it takes to earn the prestigious title of ‘couch potato’. My view may be contrary to others, at least I hope so, but in the modern world of technology and immediacy it takes a calculated, organised and dedicated man to reach the upper echelon of sofa slobs.  

The History

According to the Examiner the term ‘couch potato’ was first coined in 1976 by Tom Lacino, whoever he may be. The term was later trademarked and used in an illustrated book written by Jack Mungo and illustrated by one of Tom’s friend, Robert Armstrong. The Official Couch Potato Handbook was released in 1987 and according to the book: “It will help you to get more out of your television viewing experience by improving your viewing ability, increasing your stamina and keeping you in top shape by revealing for the first time in book form the secrets of the Couch Potatoes.”

Since the late 80’s the term has been widely adopted by most western civilisations as a byword for laziness and idleness. One of the most visible interpretations of the classic lazy, sofa loving man has to be Homer Simpson. His iconic slovenliness and his willingness to idly cut any corner he can, rather than do things the hard way, together with his faithful brown sofa epitomises the ultimate 21st century ‘Couch Potato’.

So do you have what it takes to become a serious couch potato, or do you just partake in the odd few hours of sofa-based idleness here and there? As I mentioned earlier it takes a great deal of organisation to be a sofa supremo, if you think you’ve got what it take then here’s what you’re going to need...

The Mother of All Entertainment Systems

To be a professional couch potato nowadays you can’t just rely upon TV and its 1 gazillion channels, because ultimately at some point during the day there will be nothing on except for Loose Women and that will drive most couch slobs into the abyss or into leaving the house. To prevent unauthorised couch desertion, potatoes now need a full entertainment system with DVD players, built-in surround sound and at least one games console.

The Sofa

The most essential item has to be the couch/sofa/armchair or whatever else you want to call it. Expense cannot be spared for this particular badboy. Personally I’d go for a nice distinct leather sofa, but ultimately the sofa of choice for couch potatoes is now the Lazyboy, the ultimate in comfort accessories complete with drink holder, remote control station and foot & arm rests.

The Laptop

Despite all the advances in TV technology, such as catch-up and interactive, the internet remains king of modern media. Without a laptop the couch potato would have to rely on 18th century technology like the phone to order pizza. The lack of a suitable wifi device would also leave the couch potato with many unanswered questions, such as ‘in which year did Forest win the European Cup?’ or ‘how many calories are there in a can of Bud Light?’

The Universal Remote

With so much technology, there ultimately comes a price. And no it’s not Skynet: It’s the collection of remote controls you acquire. The multiplicity of remote controls often leads to moments of complete confusion, TV rage (when the batteries run out and you can’t change the channel and get stuck with Loose Women) and of course remote ninjas, a dedicated band of mysterious invisible black clad men who conveniently hide the right remote at the worst possible time.

And finally: Beer + Snacks